Tired of the forced cheer, the commercialism, and the endless loop of Mariah Carey? If the holidays have you feeling less “jolly” and more “ready to scream into a pillow,” you’re in luck. It’s time for the holiday for the rest of us. Welcome to Festivus.
If you weren’t glued to Seinfeld in the 90s, you might need a crash course before we get to the main event: your Festivus Grievances.
What in the World is Festivus?
Originally dreamed up by Frank Costanza (and actually inspired by the real-life, eccentric father of writer Dan O’Keefe), Festivus is the ultimate antidote to holiday headaches. There’s no tinsel, no religious pressure, and absolutely no glitter.
Instead, we celebrate with an unadorned aluminum pole—because tinsel is distracting—and a “Feats of Strength” wrestling match. It’s absurd, it’s secular, and it has developed a massive cult following of people who just want to opt out of the madness.
The Menu: Meatloaf and Misery
Even the most bitter traveler has to eat. If you want to be a purist, serve up a slice of meatloaf on a bed of lettuce (a high-def TV classic). If you’re looking to the O’Keefe family archives, it’s turkey, ham, or a cake decorated with M&Ms. Or, just grab a black-and-white cookie and a Junior Mint. The food doesn’t matter as much as the attitude.
The Main Event: The Airing of Grievances
This is where you come in. The core tradition of the holiday is the “Airing of Grievances,” where you gather your loved ones and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.
But we’re doing it Fagabond style. We want your Festivus Travel Grievances.
Did a flight attendant give you side-eye? Did a hotel promise a “city view” that was actually a brick wall? Did you sit next to a barefoot passenger on a four-hour flight? We want the tea.
Our Submission
To get the ball rolling on these Festivus Travel Grievances, we’ll start with one that stings.
Hotels have started rebranding resort fees as “destination fees,” but calling it a destination fee doesn’t make it less fake. Charging extra for Wi-Fi and gym access is still a scam.
Now it’s your turn. What travel disasters made you want to flip a table this year? Post your Festivus Travel Grievances on social media and let it all out.
Happy Festivus, everyone. Let the complaining begin.