We’re sliding into the most chaotic stretch of the travel calendar, and the airports are already giving full “holiday rush” energy. With Christmas getaways looming and lines getting longer by the minute, the season is about to hit us like a ton of bricks—or, more realistically, a delayed connection. And with all the holiday airline passenger types about to surface in full force, it’s the perfect time to brace yourself.
While we all love the idea of being home for the holidays, the reality involves navigating a minefield of stressed-out humans in a confined metal tube. And let’s be honest, patience runs thinner than cheap toilet paper when you’re trying to make it home for Christmas.
To help you survive, we’ve identified the seven types of passengers that make us want to scream into a neck pillow—and exactly how to deal with them without ending up on a no-fly list.
1. The TSA Virgin
We’ve all been stuck behind them. They’re wearing lace-up boots, enough jewelry to stock a pawn shop, and they look genuinely shocked that they can’t bring a full-sized bottle of shampoo through security. Honey, liquids have been banned since 2006. catch up.
Your Survival Strategy:
Arrive early so your blood pressure doesn’t spike when the line stops moving. Better yet? Get TSA PreCheck or Clear. Strutting past the chaos while keeping your shoes on is the ultimate power move.
2. The Sloppy Drinker
Look, airport drinking is a time-honored tradition. Who doesn’t love a $19 glass of Chardonnay at 10 AM? But there’s a fine line between “festive buzz” and “hot mess express.” The Sloppy Drinker has crossed that line, usually resulting in loud talking, boundary issues, and making everyone—including the poor flight attendants—extremely uncomfortable.
Your Survival Strategy:
Do not engage. Do not make eye contact. If they get too chatty or creepy, politely (but firmly) put your headphones on. And please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t become one yourself. Hydrate, darling.
3. The Chatty Cathy
Silence is golden, especially at 30,000 feet. Unfortunately, The Chatty Cathy treats a flight like a speed-dating event or a therapy session. They will ask about your job, your family, and your deepest fears before the seatbelt sign even turns off.
Your Survival Strategy:
Establish boundaries immediately. A polite smile followed by giant, over-ear noise-canceling headphones usually sends the message. If they persist? A quick, “I’m so sorry, I have to catch up on work/sleep” works wonders. Or just pretend you don’t speak the language.
4. The Armrest Aggressor
Elbow wrestling is not an Olympic sport, but don’t tell that to The Armrest Aggressor. They clearly skipped the class on airplane etiquette. Let’s settle this once and for all: Aisle gets legroom access, Window gets the view and a wall to lean on, and Middle Seat gets both armrests. It is the only consolation prize for being the filling in a human sandwich.
Your Survival Strategy:
If you’re in the middle, claim your territory early. Elbows out. If you’re on the side and they’re encroaching? Gently nudge your elbow back onto the pad. If it escalates, is it really worth a mid-air brawl? probably not. Let them have it and judge them silently.
5. The Chainsaw Snorer
It’s not their fault, bless their hearts, but sitting next to a snorer on a five-hour flight is a special kind of torture—one of those holiday airline passenger types you can’t really escape.
Your Survival Strategy:
This is entirely on you to prepare for. Do not travel without noise-canceling headphones or earplugs. If the snoring is truly seismic, hope that the snack cart rattling by wakes them up. Otherwise, turn up the volume on your Beyoncé playlist and dissociate.
6. The Mary Poppins (Over-Packer)
You know the type. They are convinced that their massive duffel bag, which is clearly the size of a small sedan, will fit into the overhead bin of a regional jet. They hold up the entire boarding process trying to shove, punch, and force their bag into a space it simply does not belong in. Physics is real, Brenda.
Your Survival Strategy:
Let the flight attendants handle it. A knowing “can you believe this?” glance at the crew can go a long way. If their bag is about to crush your fragile souvenirs, speak up. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the show as they are inevitably forced to gate-check it.
7. The Seat Swapper
These people possess an audacity I almost admire. They didn’t pay for seat selection, but they expect you—who carefully chose 4F three months ago—to switch so they can sit with their partner. Unless they are offering you an upgrade to First Class, the answer is usually no.
Your Survival Strategy:
“No, thank you.” That is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain that you get motion sickness or that you need the window to sleep. You paid for your seat; keep it. If they throw a fit, that’s a them problem, not a you problem.
Here’s hoping your holiday travels are free of drama, delays, and the holiday airline passenger types we all try to avoid.